It’s nice to be back on Tuesdays — even if is late. I’m on Day 6 of my rehab of sugar and carbs and I’ve lost six pounds so far. I feel confident and motivated by my capacity to follow my plans. One of the things that I enjoy the most are challenges: 5 days fasting, 30 days cold-shower challenge, 5K every day. They give me purpose every day.
My rehab has four stages. It would be 40 days of retreat eating only from a selected list of foods and skipping my favorite meal — breakfast. A lot of you asked me about the diet in the past week, I’ve been posting daily on my IG if you are interested in following my progress. Today’s post, however, is not about #PuraVidaWellness program.
I want to talk about my obnoxious roommate.
Calm down, I’m not talking about the hard-worker and beautiful Venezuelan girl I live with. I’m talking about another lady with whom I share my mind.
Please, meet Olga!
Olga is a small chubby lady with oily skin and short hair. She lost most of her hair due to her illnesses. Yes, Olga is sick. She suffers from anxiety, stress and impostor syndrome. She has very low-self esteem and has a horrible habit of playing with a wart she has around her noise.
The anxiety makes Olga live in the future and be concern about problems that don’t even exist yet. Her stress makes her out of control, she wants to eat wildly. Her impostor syndrome is the worse. She discourages herself from doing beautiful and magical things. She knows her potential that’s why she sets very high expectations for herself and worse — for others too. Her low-self esteem is intensified with a self-sabotaging behavior when is not comfort eating, is procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol. It’s sad.
I’m not quite sure how old she is, she’s been living in my mind for awhile but I only learned her name and characteristics in the past years. From what I learned, Olga moved in to protect me. She is a mix of experienced warrior and an innocent little girl. She always shares with me her fears and concerns. She is absolutely one of the most creative people I’ve ever met. She is able to create the most chaotic and complex scene for a zombie movie to describe something I’m planning on doing.
She is very judgmental and often toxic. Often times she comments on something just to puts me down. She sounds so arrogant, selfish and egocentric. Gosh, she is harsh!
The biggest problem about Olga is that she never leaves the house. From times to times, she locks herself in her room. Honestly, when she does it’s a relief.
I even forget she’s at home. I feel happy, free and I just enjoy the house for myself, you know? I sing, I dress up, I eat without guilt, I exercise, I create new things, I write, I inspire other people, I even draw and paint — but that’s a secret! ;-)
Whenever I’m about to experience something great Olga kind of feels it and come to the living room. Then she starts dropping every single “what if” scenarios for the situation I’m facing.
What if you are becoming crazy?
What if you end up alone?
What if you are being too radical?
What if you don’t have money to pay your bills?
What if you never become a mom?
What if you disappoint your Mom?
What if you are a failure?
What if you never accomplish anything you dream of?
WHAT IF YOU STFU, OLGA?
I’m tired of letting Olga give me advice I didn’t ask for. If I leave her in charge, she makes a mess in the entire house. She can be evil.
But I know she is a good person just looking to protect her best friend. I guess she sees me as a little-sister that she has to annoy and defend.
The truth is that Olga is toxic.
So here’s what I do when she starts talking shit to me:
I say out loud: “Olga, it’s fine. I see your point, I appreciate you for trying to protect me, but right now I do not need your help”.
I remember how Olga looks and all her illnesses and feel sorry for her.
She is a poor lady with no hope or goals. Her favorite hobby is to disturb me from my own goals. Then I focused on them and hope that when I achieve them I’ll be able to afford to live on my own and evict Olga forever!
I also use some sort of humor when talking to her.
Like, I imagine her as a drunk at a club. Someone that I just need to ignore or laugh at it.
I really need some time off from her.
I even talked to some friends and asked if she could stay with them for a while. Guess what? Turned out my friends have an obnoxious roommate as well. The only difference is that they haven’t met them in person, they don’t know their names and appearance.
I encouraged them to knock their roommates’ door and face them. You know, introduce themselves and be mature about it. After all, you are both living in the same house.
But things get better when you know their name, how they look, their habits, what kind of “triggers” make them come to the living room and talk shit with you about you!
It’s crazy! If you don’t impose limits, they take over the house!
Anyway, I won’t let Olga takes charge of my life. I hope one day I can afford to live on my own. For now, I’ll just do my best to have a good relationship with Olga. Here and there I have to remind myself who owns the house and who is in control.
PS. Life is a journey, Olga. It’s always time for a change. Relax!
Peace & ❤ — always!