Your next partner will be an upgrade of the last one. Here’s why

A friend posted other day this article “ We Only Fall in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime”. Curious, I read the whole thing and found out:

First love: It happens when we are young. It’s the a love that looks right even if doesn’t feel quite right. It’s the kind of love that makes us believe that it will be our only love and we will make it work no matter what.

Second love: It’s the hard love. A relationship with a lot of drama, emotional and even physical abuse or manipulation. It’s also the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved.

Third love: It’s the love we never see coming. It’s the kind of connection that comes so easy it’s hard to even explain. The kind of love that knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.

Based in this article, I would say I experienced the first and second love.

I remember one evening walking somewhere with my first boyfriend and getting very annoyed at him. I totally deleted from my memory what exactly he said, but I remember it started with “when we break up…”. In my mind we would never ever break up. We weren’t perfect, but we would learn with each other. Gosh! I was so naive. That was my first love.

My second love took the word intensity to a whole new level. He treated me with kindness when I was not used to. He asked me how my day was, my best listener and roommate. I wasn’t alarmed when I felt head over feet. But he also played dangerous games in my mind. I felt manipulated. I lost track and control of my life. I loved him blindly. We fought so bad to make this relationship works that we almost forgot to check if it was worthy the battle. It was the love that we wished was right.

Perhaps I’m falling for my third love right now. Being single and free to explore everything that life has to offer it’s been an empowering adventure!

I’m getting to know this person that has been with me for almost 30 years now. She is curious, smart, beautiful and very tough with herself. She has bad days (quite often recently), but when she smiles, ah… the room gets brighter. People say she sparks a bit of energy and happiness (magic?) in others. She can be very annoying too though. Like…mad. I would say she is mostly fun in her particular provocative way to see the world. 😉


You might think that’s the most lame thing to say: “Oh, I felt in love with myself!”.

Falling in love with yourself it’s not about being a narcissist. Either is the ultimate self-help motivational bullshit.

It’s the best gift you can give to yourself as a human being.

Finding YOUR TRUTH. Figuring out YOUR WHY.

The book “The Truth — An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships”, by Neil Strauss helped me and continues to help me to navigate this journey of self-awareness. I even translated part of the book to Portuguese so my friends and family who do not read English could have a chance to learn and grow as well. If you read Portuguese check it out.

A friend of mine joked other day: “Your next boyfriend will be a better version of the last one. Like an update in a software!”.

I think my friend is right not only about my future partner. But about myself, as well. I’m in this constant update of myself, getting better and better every day. Becoming Odara. I hope by the time I meet someone compatible with my system we can just…

For now, I’m okay. I’m not really searching for an external update or upgrade. My iOS is running just fine in my current device.
Let’s see when it’s time for an upgrade!

How about you? How many times have you fallen in love? Can you identify your first, second and third loves yet? Please share your findings and continue becoming Odara daily! See You Next Tuesday! ;-)

Let’s connect! Tell me your about your journey in the comments and/or follow me on Twitter: @anaclaraotoni.

Journalist. Sustainability, Social Justice & Gender Equality. Becoming Odara daily. Passionate about life, sexuality & wine. Mugs lover.